Blondes

I work as a bartender and one of the absolute benefits of the job is listening into my customer's conversations. On a daily basis I meet assholes, alcoholics, yuppies and musicians. Last night though, took the cake of embarrassingly stupid conversations. The blonde's voices were high, dainty and airy. Every syllable was drawn out. I was so annoyed I was grinding my teeth.

Blonde 1: I think I'll get a Diet Coke. I need to wake up.
Blonde 2: Yeah. Good idea.
Me: Diet Coke doesn't have any caffeine.
Blonde 1: (Very confused look.) Umm, what do you mean? Like, your Diet Coke is caffeine-free?
Me: Uhh, no. Diet Coke is caffeine free.
Blonde 1: No it's not.
Me: Yes. It is.
Blonde 1: Ohhh my Godddd. What should I get?
Me: A Coke.
Blonde 1: No wayyy. Too many calories.
The other bartender: How about I make you an espresso martini?
Blondes 1 & 2: Yeahhh. We want those.
Me: Don't you think there's more calories in that than in a Coke?
Blonde 1: Oh wow. I didn't even think of that. Wow. Oh my Goddd. You're smart!



Fuck. I had to leave.