Saturday, July 05, 2008


I work as a bartender and one of the absolute benefits of the job is listening into my customer's conversations. On a daily basis I meet assholes, alcoholics, yuppies and musicians. Last night though, took the cake of embarrassingly stupid conversations. The blonde's voices were high, dainty and airy. Every syllable was drawn out. I was so annoyed I was grinding my teeth.

Blonde 1: I think I'll get a Diet Coke. I need to wake up.
Blonde 2: Yeah. Good idea.
Me: Diet Coke doesn't have any caffeine.
Blonde 1: (Very confused look.) Umm, what do you mean? Like, your Diet Coke is caffeine-free?
Me: Uhh, no. Diet Coke is caffeine free.
Blonde 1: No it's not.
Me: Yes. It is.
Blonde 1: Ohhh my Godddd. What should I get?
Me: A Coke.
Blonde 1: No wayyy. Too many calories.
The other bartender: How about I make you an espresso martini?
Blondes 1 & 2: Yeahhh. We want those.
Me: Don't you think there's more calories in that than in a Coke?
Blonde 1: Oh wow. I didn't even think of that. Wow. Oh my Goddd. You're smart!

Fuck. I had to leave.


Drew said...

Diet Coke does have caffeine. How do you think I stay so productive and maintain my girlish figure?!

Taylor said...


TR said...

joke's on her?

cupsocake said...

omg drew you're so smart!!!!!

Anonymous said...

why would a DIET drink no have caffeine? That makes less (a LOT less) sense than beer w/o alchohol. Moral of the story....blondes are actually smart....but very gullible.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add The Scam were the best New England HC band not from Boston(RI isn't NE to me and never will be) EVER. Thanks

D.Matt said...

Diet Coke DOES have caffein... they also have a Caffein-Free version just like regular Coke... and like the regular coke, the caffein-free is in gold packaging.

Diet Coke:

Caffein-Free Diet Coke:

You might have gotten mixed up with Sugar... which is not in Diet Coke but IS in regular...